I know i kind of said i would be back in August but what’s a few days!? I’ve been really excited this past week to get back into blogging and i really truly have missed my escape space.
As you know i took a month away to take part in July’s camp nanowrimo! I set myself a target of 50,000 words (mental right?) and i failed SO BADLY! At the end of it, i have got 17,824 words done. 4 Chapters for my first draft.
Why did i fail? My expectations and goals were too high for me – Don’t get me wrong a lot of people complete and win, i know some who have had the same word target as me and done it but my heart and motivation ran out of juice.
First off, the first two weeks i did jack shit – No words came out because of my brain once again telling me i suck, or whats the point. Plus i have had some personal stuff to get sorted and i was working so hard on getting my craft room finished WHICH IT IS – Tour coming soon.
This nano was a last minute thing for me and if it wasn’t for a writerly friend i have been getting to know asking me, i wouldn’t of done it. But i have experienced it, i tried it and i sure as shit won’t be doing it again.
I actually don’t see the hype in nano wrimo – Whilst i can see it’s a great way to challenge and really push yourself with your writing, it honestly stressed me out. I felt stressed, emotional, sad, guilty all the times i didn’t hit my ‘nano target’ It made me feel even worse when i did start to write and check my stats, that i was behind.
I also felt discouraged after seeing people doing well, hitting their targets every day blah blah – That pissed me off because i was failing.
BUT i also came across a lot of writers who felt stressed, discouraged, guilty etc as me. So i came to the realisation that what the heck am i worrying about? My novel, my writing aint going away – It’s still going to be around. Nano doesn’t edit my book, nor does it help me publish it and i still have a long ass way to go until i get to that – So why am i driving myself insane for something that won’t effect my life?
I GET IT – It must feel awesome knowing you won nano wrimo – That you are ten million steps ahead of your writing goal, that you really smashed it – Challenged and pushed your mind to acheive this. Awesome, good – But what happens after.
My point is, that my ultimate goal isn’t to win nano wrimo ITS TO PUBLISH A GOD DAMN BOOK!! – Whether it takes me longer than it should, so be it. But i want to love what i am writing and not feel stressed.
THAT BEING SAID – 17,000 words are all gone, fucked, blah. So after re-outlining my novel, which is a massive kill joy by the way and i won’t be doing it again – I am starting my novel AGAIN. This time, with a clean perspective, fresh outline and a new POV
Read for my title? (THIS IS NOT THE COVER)
So apart from writing i have been trying to finish off my craft/office space and it’s been hard as we have been having some extremely hot weather here and i live on the third floor – The room was unbearable to sit in let alone bloody move furniture into. But it’s done and i can’t wait to show you! It still needs some added touches and once i have more money i will get round to it.
My crochet game has been off – I mean i have not done anything crochet, sewing etc i haven’t had the money to invest in my hobbies and i am really struggling to make ends meet as i wanted to make lots of zipper bags and get some things ready for Autumn stalls. I wanted more fabrics and invest more in sewing but it can wait. Having no money and literally scraping by to buy food has had such a huge effect on me mentally and it’s caused me to really not feel passionate about my crafts because i have been worrying about when i can get my next meal and even contemplated selling some things – It’s a little bit better now for me but still not great and whilst i am trying to get a job, no fucker seems to respond back to my applications – It’s getting closer and closer to winter and Christmas, i want money to be able to keep warm and use my heaters this year. I also am trying to hard to sell my items and nobody seems to be interested. I think sometimes i am just burdened with such bad luck, i just haven’t been in a happy spot. Anyway, i have a new perspective (again) and because i am fully passionate about my writing it keeps me going and busy – Even if i often want to jump out of my window. I am always a million steps behind.. I did however only get one order this money, and it was a set of baby booties for twins and i make another puff stitch beanie hat 🙂
BUT OH MY GOD LOOK AT HOW MUCH BETTER I AM AT HAND LETTERING.
YUP – I did that! I wish i had more Tombow pens, but i am very proud of how far i have come with my calligraphy and hand lettering. I don’t use calligraphy pens, as i am learning modern calligraphy – But i am actually hoping to get a proper calligraphy pen for christmas off someone haha.
I am so glad to be back and i will be slowly catching up. I have a new blog schedule now as i have to schedule my writing YT and author platform. This week might not be on schedule as technically August aint til Wednesday, and getting into a routine for my other stuff but the following week will be this:
Mondays – Craft
Wednesdays – Book reviews
Fridays – Writerly
OK so i will leave it at that! Thanks reading 🙂
If you like the quoted picture i used at the top of my post then click HERE for the FREE PDF file. These are made by me, you can use them for personal use but please don’t steal credit OR SELL THEM!
If you would like to buy me a ko-fi click here
Thank you so much for making it this far! I know it’s a long one but thank you!! I will be slowly but surely catching up with you, i won’t go as far back as a month though.
Speak soon xo