Hey guys! Happy Friday – I hope everyone is goooood. I have around ten minutes to type this up and post before my laptop dies! So i will hopefully get round to catching up on blogs tonight as i haven’t at all this week.
As i mentioned my blog schedule, Fridays are about writing – It might be a short story/poem or a writerly diary blog posts, maybe even some advice – AND most importantly updates on my current novel.
So without keeping you reading my ramblings too long, this short story is something i wrote A LONG TIME ago and was actually going to enter it into a competition, but i totally forgot.
It’s supposed to be lighthearted and funny, and if you get offended then well.. I think you need a shot of tequila or two. So – Here is my story, i hope you like it and thanks for reading!
Dawn was getting tired of her husband. Not just one specific thing but every little stinking movement he made.
The way he sat in his boxers watching tv in the morning letting everything hang out, the stench that came out of the other end every time he lifted his leg up to let one rip. Even the way he ate his food, she wanted to stab him in the head with a fork. Enough was enough!
”You slurp that cup of tea one more time Charlie and I will cut off your lips!”
”Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning darling?”
”No I did not, I am sick to the back teeth of you and your disgusting habits.”
”Can you find me a shirt to wear for today, I want to look nice for lunch at the Golf Club.”
”Shut up Charlie, you make me so mad. I am not a slave!”
”For God sake, what?”
”You’ve started the menopause, haven’t you? Damn it, I knew this day was coming you haven’t made a decent meal for months. I should have spotted the signs dear.”
”I am not on the change you bone idle twit… Go and find a shirt yourself.”
Dawn stormed off into the kitchen. If only she had a plan to make him disappear, maybe rat poison in his dinner? An accidental push down the stairs. She had an idea.
”Sweetie, how about I made you a nice boxed lunch whilst you’re playing golf, nothing beats my BLT sandwiches.”
”What a nice idea, is this your way of apologising? The BLT sounds great, throw in something extra on it as well. Make it one of your specials.”
”Oh I will don’t worry about that. Just need to head into the garden, my flowers need a water.”
She smiled so lovingly and headed outside. Such a beautiful spring day, the birds were about, and the air’s scent was of fresh flowers. Dawn loved her garden, she had some good afternoons showing it off to her friends when she hosted tea and biscuit afternoons.
As she headed towards the far end where the soil bed was a little damper, she picked up her hand trowel that was left lying nearby and began to dig. It didn’t take long until she came across a couple of worms, fantastic she thought.
After spending the morning watering flowers and then preparing Charlie’s lunch, she got rather excited at the thought of him leaving for the day.
Maybe she will pop round to Joanne’s for a chat, the day was hers.
”Here you go darling, I hope you enjoy your lunch. It’s a pretty random sandwich I must say, has all your favorites on it.”
”Thank you, Dawn, you do know how to look after me, I will be back in time for dinner. Maybe you can do a fish dish this evening?”
”Of course, will anyone from the golf club be joining?”
”More than likely it will be Tom, you know he hates to go home.”
”I will make plenty then, have a great day dear.”
They kissed each other goodbye and Dawn felt immediate peace.
As Charlie sat at a picnic table with his fellow golfers he couldn’t wait to eat his lunch. He knew Dawn was such a sandwich artist, he loved everything because she always used fresh and organic ingredients.
He opened his sandwich box and took a quick look to see what she had put together.
To his shock, it wasn’t to his expectations. Bacon, lettuce, ham and a rather lovely looking dead worm.
Charlie laughed to himself and threw the worm on the floor.
Tom, his friend noticed him smiling.
”Something funny chap?”
”Oh, sorry Tom. Just the wife, I think the menopause has begun.”
”Charlie, that’s not something to laugh about, your life is going to be hell from now on.”
Charlie let out a laugh again.
”I think my life is most definitely going to get very interesting that’s for sure.”