Writers let’s connect!

 

I have no crafty WIPS just my writing but i thought i needed to blog as i don’t want to slip into not blogging when i don’t have much to say, thought i would post – BUT i know that some will see it as why post when you have nothing to say.. I like talking what can i say?

So this novel, i am calling it that for now as i still haven’t decided on a title. It’s taken over my life a little bit and i haven’t done any crafting, i can’t remember when the last time i practiced hand lettering or played with my water colours – Though i don’t think i feel guilty, i am enjoying my current writing process and so i want to get what i can done whilst my mind is focused.
That being said, writing is hard i knew that anyway but the fact i am being dead serious now is scary! I went from pancing my life away with random stories and words to actually sitting down and fully outling my novel. Which i have drafted over and over – I have written three chapters, printed them off and read them made some changes. Now i am ready to outline each chapter individually!

I bought some record cards or those things you read off when you are making a speech to do this and will have each chapter pinned up (somewhere) I also plan on doing this with my characters and a few reminds of the plot and description of the world/relationships etc etc.

Anyway, the real reason for me jumping on today is that well, my feed is full of craft blogs and photography which i LOVE LOVE LOVE and wouldn’t change who i follow for the world, i really want to connect and make friends with fellow writers – Maybe with similar taste, sci-fi, fantasy, thriller, YA etc.

If you are a writer – And by writer i mean WRITER you don’t have to be an author to write. Then drop me a hello in the comments, let’s connect. I am going to chill in bed later and scope out some writer/author blogs as well.
I have a Instagram that is separate from my craft page and you can follow that here >
Insta

 

Take care xo

 

Writing a novel: My personal journey so far

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This post is probably really easy to write but i guess a few months ago i wouldn’t even know where to start.

I will start right at the beginning, or well from the memories of me as a kid that aren’t blurry.
I have known that i should write, or be a writer, publish a book. As a child reading for me was an escape, like for all of us. We get lost in worlds that we kind of wish existed. I was actually lucky enough to live across the road from a small library that sat comfortably next to a huge green filed where i would play. I am sure my mum got me into reading, but i remember mostly my grandparents reading to me the most.
As a kid, i didn’t have a great deal of friends but the odd ones from around the streets to which i have some amazing memories. The three grand kids that often stayed with a neighbour a few doors up soon became best friends during the summer – Though as always, they grew up. I made different friends, and i never played with those boys who lived in my street anymore because they were the good kids and when i got a bit older i played with the mischievous kids. I do love to think about all the friends i had back then and wonder what they are doing and if they are successful and making something great of themselves. It also makes me really sad because i don’t have any real life friends anymore.

I spent a lot of time on my own in the library, in the kids section reading. I often read  this scientist book, i wish i knew what it was called but it wasn’t in my age rang but i was in love with the feel of the paper – The writing font and the wacky-ness of the cover. I actually remember me once asking the librarian, this was a few years after i had read it for a longggg time – I asked her i can’t find this book it was all sciencey lol, she actually found it.
Most of my reads were the naughtiest girl in school or anything that was fun. Sometimes i would sit on the bean bags with a pile of books just flicking through to look at the pictures. I was bored of children’s books and i wanted more. So i began to read on the other side of the children’s section which was older than me, and i was reading lots of different things. I remember once i sneaked into the big part of the library, as a kid it was known to me as the grown up section and i often got Catherine Cookson books on loan.

This was my life.

In the UK we have primary school, so up until 11/12 you are at this school before highschool. I think i was in year six, because it was when Richard Hillman was in Coronation street.
We had to all write a short shorty, i wrote a thriller actually based on this soaps character. I remember it being my own interpretation and the twist ended up being Richard Hillman, i got excellent marks. I think my mum sent it to my great auntie, who i believed still has it. I hope to one day maybe get it off her and copy it as i would love to read it.
I never got much recognition in school, not that i remember. I found it really hard to stand out because i remember being in a class with so many loud personalities and i knew deep down i had some kind of talent i just didn’t feel like shouting it from the rooftops. I didn’t like my year six teacher and i cried when i found it was her as she was also our year five teacher. I remember in year five that she would read us Harry Potter, and some of us had our own book to read along. My book got stolen and i was really upset, i knew who it was but nobody did anything about it. It wasn’t until the boy who stole it returned it and said sorry, i opened it up and he had scribbled all over it inside.
I remember being the target for stuff like this too often, and it didn’t stop in highschool. I thought it would of because they were a bunch of new faces.

 

The older i got, the less i wrote or read. I would read a few books a year because i was too involved in surviving highschool, or trying to have fun. My collection of books didn’t exist like they did when i was a kid. I spent three years in highschool, then i quit. The bullying i couldn’t cope with it – But i do remember somewhere in those years i wrote a script for a horror film and got my teacher to look over it.
I will never forget Sally Field, she knew about my bullying, she saw my potential in writing she encouraged me – I loved her for that. She even drove me home sometimes.
Sadly a few years ago she passed away, but a few months before that we met again and i told her i was writing again she seemed so happy. I had hoped we got chance to connect more as she was a religious woman and i admired her strength because she also got bullied at school, by kids, teachers. She was like me, unheard.
I think she had a heart attack and spent a lot of years recovering but when i met it her she looked so healthy, so happy and we friended eachother on FB. I noticed her writing involvement and the work she did in the church community, she also had her own little radio chat show thing.
What i remember most is her love for the book Wuthering Heights, she would often burst into the classroom and sing Kate Bush’s song.
I often think about her, i often cry. She was so special, she was my light when i felt alone in a dark world. I never really got to tell her that.

As i got older, i wrote in note books or on the computer. I often entered writing competitions or  kept the writing for myself, i didn’t quite have the confidence to show anyone and i didn’t tell anyone i secretly wanted to write a novel.
I had so many ideas for romances, comedy, thrillers – All started but never finished. I think most of that work is gone now, i don’t think cloud or one storage existed.
I felt kind of embarrassed to admit i wanted to write a novel, it wasn’t really a thing. I can’t quite explain it – Where i lived, well should i say the lifestyle etc wasn’t full of artsy people etc. I lived/ live in a place where people work for nothing, some areas are deprived. Back then, it wasn’t as bad as it is now. I think this was my excuse, but the truth is because i didn’t finish high school and go onto college – I felt dumb, not good enough to write but no matter how many years of working crap jobs, partying with ‘friends’ – Being a published author was clawing at my brain, these little people telling me to write wouldn’t leave me alone.

My mum encouraged when she thought necessary, i think because i had so many ideas and things i started and quit it was tiring for her to keep on pushing me.
It wasn’t until my grandad died in 2008 that i felt a completely unsure about everything, this was when i was coming to terms slowly with depression and my anxiety. Something that has been with me since highschool, but i never felt the wrath of it until my mum met a guy, a guy that was abusive.

All the things i have done in life, good and bad – Situations i’ve been involved in never got me to pick up a pen and paper. One reason being, i was too busy surviving life or just trying to figure shit out, second reason i was again scared to write.
What if i wrote nobody liked it? Which was the feeling i got quite often when i didn’t hear anything back from all these writing competitions i would enter.

As the years went on, i would write and write and delete and delete. Files sitting staring at me, book ideas whirling around in my mind and i would say to myself ‘fuck it’ lets do this – Today i am going to start writing a novel. Which lasted about two days, then i lost the heart.
I remember writing half of a novel by hand, pencil actually in a huge notebook. It wasn’t until i read it back and realised how shit it sounded i just stopped. The thing is, i actually still have that.

I grew a little more confident with my writing, because i started to write short stories as too often an idea would pop into my head and i needed to get it out, this really did boost me up and this went on for a long time – Actually it still goes on, i love writing short because one of those little moments of randomness is actually something to do with my book.
I remember sharing a piece of fun writing i had written, it was to be entered into a competition and i sent it my mum, who then showed my auntie. They both seemed to like it. Though i read it back and i feel a bit embarrassed. I titled it ‘The change’


The Change – written 1/05/2015

 

Dawn was getting tired of her husband. Not just one specific thing but every little stinking movement he made.
The way he sat in his boxers watching tv in the morning letting everything hang out, the stench that came out of the other end every time he lifted his leg up to let one rip. Even the way he ate his food, she wanted to stab him in the head with a fork. Enough was enough!

”You slurp that cup of tea one more time Charlie and I will cut off your lips!”

”Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning darling?”

”No I did not, I am sick to the back teeth of you and your disgusting habits.”

”Can you find me a shirt to wear for today, I want too look nice for lunch at the Golf Club.”

”Shut up Charlie, you make me so mad. I am not a slave!”

”Oh no…Dawn.”

”For God sake, what?”

”You’ve started the menopause haven’t you? Damn it, I knew this day was coming you haven’t made a decent meal for months. I should of spotted the signs dear.”

”I am not on the change you bone idle twit… Go and find a shirt yourself.”

Dawn stormed off into the kitchen. If only she had a plan to make him disappear, maybe rat poison in his dinner? An accidental push down the stairs. She had an idea.

”Sweetie, how about I made you a nice boxed lunch whilst your playing golf, nothing beats my BLT sandwiches.”

”What a nice idea, is this your way of apologising? The BLT sounds great, throw in something extra on it as well. Make it one of your specials.”

”Oh I will don’t worry about that. Just need to head into the garden, my flowers need a water.”

She smiled so lovingly and headed outside. Such a beautiful spring day, the birds were about and the air smelt like flowers. Dawn loved her garden, she had some good afternoons showing it off to her friends when she hosted tea and biscuit afternoons.
As she headed towards the far end where the soil bed was a little more damper, she picked up her hand trowel that was left lying near by and began to dig. It didn’t take long until she came across a couple of worms, fantastic she thought.

After spending the morning watering flowers and then preparing Charlie’s lunch, she got rather excited at the thought of him leaving for the day.
Maybe she will pop round to Joanne’s for a chat, the day was hers.
”Here you go darling, I hope you enjoy your lunch. It’s a pretty random sandwich I must say, has all your favourites on it.”

”Thank you Dawn, you do know how to look after me, I will be back in time for dinner. Maybe you can do a fish dish this evening?”

”Of course, will anyone from the golf club be joining?”

”More than likely it will be Tom, you know he hates to go home.”

”I will make plenty then, have a great day dear.”

They kissed each other goodbye and Dawn felt immediate peace.

As Charlie sat at a picnic table with his fellow golfers he couldn’t wait to eat his lunch. He knew Dawn was such a sandwich artist, he loved everything, because she always used fresh and organic ingredients.
He opened up his sandwich box and took a quick look to see what she had put together.
Too his shock it wasn’t to his expectations. Bacon, lettuce, ham and a rather lovely looking dead worm.
Charlie laughed to himself and threw the worm on the floor.
Tom, his friend noticed him smiling.

”Something funny chap?”

”Oh, sorry Tom. Just the wife, I think the menopause has begun.”

”Charlie, that’s not something to laugh about, your life is going to be hell from now on.”

Charlie let out a laugh again.

”I think my life is most definitely going to get interesting that’s for sure.”


It was that day, that moment i knew i wanted to write but sadly i didn’t have the balls back then. I tried a lot of things, all which i have and will look at one day and perhaps they will make a story. One was a story about a married couple who suffered the loss of a baby. On the night of her finding her baby had died, her husband was out planning to leave his wife for another woman. To which he did, and left her alone to deal with the grief.
I think it made for a good story and i was about to get myself educated on all aspects of losing a baby and i would upload each part on Wattpad. I couldn’t cope with the shit writing so i deleted it.

In 2017 i lost my job, and started a blog. This opened so many doors for me to show off my writing. Whether or not people actually do read, because lets face it WordPress is riddled with the ‘instant likers’ – I didn’t intend on sharing my writing on this blog, but i felt so much confidence and started to make friends i thought what have i got to lose?
I have also never been in the presence of writers, i am pretty much a lone wolf when it comes to my writing and i do find it hard to communicate with others because i am less educated, i don’t really know anything about the life of an author, publishing world etc you get my  drift. So for me, sharing on here is a huge deal because the world can see it, the world can judge you. That’s something i am still coping with. But this blog was a life saver – Because i would be still sitting here allowing those little voices telling me to write and id be doing my hardest to fight them off.

Now, it’s 2018 – I am 27 and not getting any younger. Which also plays a HUGE part in why i am writing a novel. When i hit this age, i will admit a huge depression came over me – Some people say oh you are still young but i say i am not. I look at ‘friends’ (social media friends now) or others of my ages, the ones even younger and what they have achieved. That freaked me out, it scared me and instead of sitting up and doing something about it i spent most of last winter depressed and lost, not knowing what to do – BUT i did know what to do and that was to write.

I had this idea of a novel, i called it ‘Give me back my flowers’ Its a funny romance romcom kinda story, which at the moment is on the back burner because i feel as though it’s not powerful enough for me to want to pursue. My mind, my focus is not something happy and flowery, i have a lot of emotion inside of me that is perfect for the TWO books i have started to write.

Alena being my first, which is a fantasy. One that i have left alone because i want to allow the chapters i have written simmer and then i can look at them with a different frame of mind. Because, use writers we like to change ALOT.

My second novel is a sci-fi thriller, I don’t have a title for this yet but this came to me in a dream. I wrote a few short snippets of it and i realised this is book worthy. So i replayed what i could remember of my dream over and over and wrote what i could down, which then turned into me outlining it and yup i am now writing.

I hope to have my first draft done in a few months, because i am still unemployed. I think that will change once i get a job, so i am cramming in as much writing as i can before i don’t get to do it as much – I have faith i will get a job, i can’t stand working in this shit – But this book, this idea i have never felt so much fire in me for a long time. Its meant to be and whilst i am poor living off cheap food, writing this book is something that i must do. I want this to be my career, my life.

I said to myself over the years, it’s now or never. Do it, go on. But i never did, and the more we put off doing something the more chance we will be sitting in a rocking chair regretting ever minute.
I am scared i will fail, i am scared my writing is crap but i need to do it. YOU have to be accountable for the shit you do and don’t do.
Why didn’t i do this a long time ago? Because i am weak. I have put off things that i shouldn’t of, i will say hands up in the air that i have quit a lot of things because i get too scared, scared of the challenge and work i have to put in. Because, again if i fail what would of been the point?
This time, if i fail then i will be happy enough and proud enough to say you know what – See that book, the one with the cover and my name? I did that!

I have had so many dreams, and they have been dreams to fill in the gaps of something i feel i am missing. You know what it was? I was avoiding my purpose, i was purposely finding all these new things and business ventures to do, and making silly choices to avoid writing. They were fake dreams.

So here i am today, writing. Blogging, making friends online, and rambling. I think connecting with God has helped me a lot so i would like to thank him and the universe for pulling me up all of the years.

xo

Untitled – story

We slowly grouped and boarded off the ship, bags on our shoulders and torches in our hands. The Aegis guards were built big and stiff – Nothing would be able to get past them i thought.
We were not welcomed by the colony leader, which relieved me a little bit. I wanted to feel emotionally prepared before i met the man that wants to destroy what is left of us in order to continue his Utopian dream. If only i knew more about the world before i was born, how could it of possibly come to this – Pictures of green country sides and bustling cities burned my imagination. I only know of my country, England but the island of Aegis was once known as the United States – It looks smaller than i remember being taught in our classes as kids but that is all we were allowed to know. I do remember a cabinet always locked, i once caught a glimpse of it. From what i saw, it was files and files that were to be hidden away. Anything marked yellow was okay, but red – God forbid if the teacher pulled out a file marked with red.
“They don’t need to know everything, stick with the plan.” words i often think about, and the look of fear in our teachers eyes. – Back then i never thought anything of it, perhaps they were protecting our innocent minds, a time in your live when you can be easily manipulated – Made to think that this world, living like this is normal. Once i met Chris a few years ago, i have never doubted my existence as much as i do now.

The cold air was nice, it felt fresh something we lacked. We spent seven days a week on the ship and even though we freely roamed the deck the air felt the same, it smelt the same – I often wonder exactly how man drops of water i have felt from the splash back of the sea when its rough.
This island smelt different, i think that’s why i like the air. You can tell we are somewhere new, its just a feeling you get when the ground and surroundings are different. I blame the eyes, what you see makes up for what you feel.

Chris walked closely behind me as if he were somehow protecting me without looking too overbearing, Will seemed to be lost in thought but somehow pretending to look amazed at the huge lighthouse placed right by us. No doubt we will be introduced by more guards and led somewhere to stay – As always if you are new face, you will get stares up and down, whispers maybe even sniggers. I would do the same if i saw myself in the eyes of these perfected humans. Us lot, coming off a huge old ship wearing beat up slacks and long sleeved jumpers and scruffy boots. The Aegis guards are pristine, neatly ironed uniforms with weapons across there backs. No ships on water for these guys, they fly ridiculous air crafts. I think we are the only colony that work away on the ships and i don’t mind it staying that way.

“Males this way, females this way. It’s only temporary we need to get you clean, checked and have ID badges. You’ll be shown your dorms after. ”

I look at Christ with freight – “It’s okay” He said kissing my lips.
“I will see you soon” I grabbed his hand and he let mine go, what if i don’t see him again?

Untitled – story

We hid the message as discreetly as we could, if any one knew we had a secret we’d be forced to tell. Me and Chris did not want to get Will into trouble, the message was his and his alone. Whatever he chose to do or thought of it, was all on him – But we needed to stay by his side.
Before we could sit in silence some more and wonder, the captain made an announcement for us all to head to the front of the ship. I held Chris’s hand tightly, still scared of what we had just discovered.
As people clambered to the deck, we saw our team’s leader point ahead of us. In the distance was a huge watchtower, it was too far away to spot the detail but the rainbow lights that it shone were not hard to miss. It looked beautiful – This meant we were near, we were about to meet another colony. Only few of us got to meet, but we traded often with others – This time we were here for a job, a job that we knew nothing about. It was a regular thing to not know of your mission, this time the details were purposely kept secret from us.
It didn’t bother me, after this week was over we would travel back to camp and me, Chris and some of our friends would hire transport and head down south, a place  that had only just been cleared as safe. My ancestors lived in a place called London, we want to visit and learn more about where we came from. It might give us some answers because lately I have had such a bad feeling.

An hour later our ship slowly docked, Chris and I sat with Will. People began to rustle about and look out of the window at this colony we were approaching, whispers and excitement.
As I heard the name of the colony, I gripped Chris’s hand – “Did someone say Aegis?”
Chris looked at Will, his face turning white.

We had arrived at the place where the message to Will had come from. We were in danger.

Plan with me | April bullet journal & catch up

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It’s been a long time since i paid any attention to my bullet journal because i have lost complete interest for everything. I am however blogging my ass off today to get some posts out just in case i get lost again and don’t show my face. – I have seemed to of cheered up massively today and link you one of the reasons why at the end of this post.
I am hoping to do a catch up on my 2018 goals, books I’ve read (not a lot but some) and sadly i don’t have anything crochet related to show off but i have some short stories up my sleeve.
Progression with my book is slow as my depression took a toll but another idea for a story has popped up so i am working on two things now. No rush right?

Anyways, i won’t bore you with my life because that’s for another post but here is my April bullet journal set up – Everything like my pens and book i am using will be linked at the end.

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As you can probably tell, the right side where i introduce April (monthly cover) has been re done and covered up. I had the same design under neath it but i wanted BLUE because it’s my favourite colour and it fits April perfectly as April is known for it’s rain and showers – OH blue is also really calming! The light blue Tombow pen doesn’t photograph very well as its REALLY light and pastel which i am a lil annoyed with – Well, i could of edited my pictures but bleughhh who has time.

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This is my monthly over -view. I really like the quote ‘bloom where you are planted’ – You might see a lot of quotes because i like them, especially positive ones it really helps. They are also a nice addition to your bullet journal if you are looking to fill up some space.
I decided that this bujo would be basic and not to over the top – I like a little bit of colour so each month will be one colour. April will be blue – I mean that’s just personal preference. Simple the better.

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So the quote here i didn’t put much effort in and it looks a bit shite but haha i really don’t feel like editing it – I have so much stuff in my bullet journal like my lists, yearly trackers that i want to change and re-do because i feel like this time i am going to stick with it.
I didn’t go over board with having loads of trackers, i feel like setting myself up with lots of goals and things i wanted to track was too over whelming. One of the reasons why i probably stopped coming to my bujo. I am learning to take things step by step and that i don’t need to have a hundred goals for one week.
I decided to track the most important things for me, i left a few spaces on the habit tracker just in case i think of anything else – But i have learnt to not add things for the sake of tracking, track what is important and relevant to your life.
My mood tracker is a bunch of diamonds all split into three sections. I found this on Pinterest and i will link my bujo board at the end of this post. I like that for each diamond it’s split into three sections – So each day you can colour in your mood for morning, afternoon and evening.

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And this is my first week – The idea is to plan each week as it goes etc but sometimes i get this itch to keep going but i am making sure not to lol! I tried my hand at drawing some flowers but i am hoping to add a bit of watercolour somewhere down the line. Again nothing special. I started the week on the 2nd of April which is a Monday because i don’t like weeks starting on odd days to me mon-sun is a week lol! I also didn’t leave much space for Sunday which is my fault as i drew the flowers before planning my weekly layout. Which isn’t too big of a deal as i literally do nothing on Sundays anyways but i know now for next time.

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I also had to sort out my desk shelf again because i am literally running out of room to put books. My book shelf is full and i did buy some more last month, they were just sitting in a corner stacked up. So i decided i need to move them, and yup they are on my desk. About 12 books have been added LOL so erm yup.

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So i managed to spend some time doing my mosaic sticker book thingy, i have done two page so far. The first one i did was a jellyfish which is up on my fridge and this one is a whale. I really like the book, the only problem i have is that the stickers don’t seem to stick properly and lift up so i might have to find some kind of surface glaze glue if that exists LOL –
I also wanted to show off my small Tombow dual brush pen collection. I have a few colours the same as a while back i bought the pastel pack from Amazon and the brush has frayed a little bit and i don’t know if they were fake? But i got all my new ones from a proper art website and they seem to be much better quality.

So thanks so much for reading, i am slowly catching up with posts i am trying! I always feel guilty. Here are all the links as promised, these are supplies i literally use all the time for my journal and crafts- The amazon links are affiliated. (These are UK links) 

Tombow Brush pens

Tombow Fudenosuke Brush/Calligraphy pen black

Stabilo pastel felt tip 

Staedtler Triplus Fineliner

Staedtler pigment fineliner drawing pens

My bullet journal 

Need some ideas for bullet journaling? Check out my Pin Board

 

OH as promised. So my mood has picked up MASSIVELY! The reason is cheesy, it’s mega corny. So i get nostalgic and listen to old music, cheesy pop from when i was a teenager or whatever.
Well my favourite band was Westlife, i saw them live when i was 9 years old! I cried, Nicki waved at me. I remember being so happy full of excitement, no worries just enjoying my favourite boyband.

I started listening to them again – I thought my mood would go back into a depressed state because some of the songs are really sad but singing along with them just really lifted my mood.
I am listening to them today as well – Never too old ay?
Here a few of my favourites