This is me

The point of this is to really understand why I’m in the dark, why i spend every minute of everyday looking over my shoulders of the black clouds that cast over me as i live among the people of this planet – The people that see me as invisible, the ones that would never know i were to stand behind them unless my warm breath grazed the skin. The very same people that once made me smile, the ones who would smile back, but now they walk with the rest, ignoring me and my life.

Each storm does not follow by white clouds and fresh blue skies, nor rays of sun beaming to show the defeat of the grey monsters that roar above. – Every storm becomes darker, thicker, wiser and every time it pulls me into this whirling black vortex of misery it’s harder for me to hold on, because of strength and because of power.

My fingers are cold, dry and cannot grasp the air any more. My reflection is blurry, lost somewhere inside of the glass i am trying to break, the glass that separates me and my mind from the existence of what really is – But why can nobody see me? The glass is clear, it’s clean, the only prints are my finger tips as i try to reach out for a hand to match up against mine, a hand to reassure me that i am here, that i am safe.

The next turning i take i see the water, water that hydrates me no matter the temperature. But it’s rising, i can swim and maybe i can swim free? But the storm is back, its not letting me move the waves are harsh and thrashing my face – I try to gasp for air, but each wave does not give me a break to breathe. Gargling the water, the hydrating water but i am not thirsty i don’t want to swallow – I have no choice, i swallow and my arms are weak i float down and i cannot see around or below it is still dark.
I lay at the bottom, my eyes closing i am tired so so tired, nobody knows i am here and nobody will ever realise i am gone. It’s too late to change things, this is who i am and i won’t allow it to be the reason why i am invisible. I am good person.
My eyes close, i let go – I could sleep for a while.

A fish, or something that is supposed to live under water stops me from falling into a deep sleep, one that i might not wake up from. But i cannot breath, i swallowed how am i still at the bottom.
This white fat fish with feathery fins makes his presence known by flicking his back end on my nose. What does it want? I am not food.
I try to sit up from the bottom of the water, my arms heavy and it’s hard to move, almost slow motion. It swims around me in circles and my eyes cannot keep up, its annoying. My patience is small but it’s too quick for me to catch. It swims away, up and up and up until it is gone. A fish noticed me, am i a fish too?
I look up my eyes adjusting, its still dark but i can make out where i crashed down from – A small light flickering, almost bobbing up and down. This could finally be the sunshine after the storm.

The fish comes back, antagonizing little shit, it seems to be directing me to the top. I shake my head, bubbles surround me. Is this what it is like under water, could i be a mermaid.
My body begins to shake, it is not me but the ground rumbling it’s fierce and the water is disturbed, the fish looks frightened. He swims around me frantically and as the ground rumbles more it swims off up to the  top – The storm is back, its here to take me, forever.

I use what energy i have to move and try to swim, which is something i have never been good at. I breast stroke with all my might, each movement becoming harder. It’s pulling me down – But the light is so close.
The fish appears to swim in front of me, out of nowhere its back. It’s guiding me and my eyes focus on his feathery fins and tail, majestic almost angel like. I can see black shadows moving within the light, please storm do not make it dark. You cannot take everything from me, you cannot drown me – You have everything else but i want to be here i want to fight for my worth.

Something dark enters the water and the ground rumbles harder, i turn to look down and an explosion of water races up towards my body – Bubbles so big it would swallow you hole. The fish swims towards the explosion with might and courage, a tiny soul trying to make a difference in this dark world.
I try to swim for him but it’s too late, he has gone, it has consumed him. What’s left for me to do is to reach up to the light, swim, go – GO!

All is dark – All is black – All is gone. 

I wake up, a bed so white and lights so bright. Machines beeping and wires attached to my body. My eyes open fully, i see people so many people – A man, with white hair and all white clothing.

The fish, he saved me… I am not invisible.




Written by Rebecca Pursell 

Disconnected – Short story

“How much food do we have til they open the store again?”

“A couple of meals i say”

It was enough, it’s not like the store wasn’t going to open again. But for some reason people thought the need to ration, even supermarkets got in on it too. Once a week the it would open for a set amount of time, then close. We were able to get the most needed items, but they still had to limit how much because everyone needed to eat and drink.

The world had lost it’s mind since the internet went down, it was as though people had forgotten how life was lived without access to the online world. Four weeks had passed, nobody understand why or when it would be back – If was to ever come back.
I didn’t care, i actually liked it. The air was hectic but i also felt a sense of peace. People weren’t glued to laptops or phones unless they needed to make a call.
Children were out on the street playing, or at home with toys. The news reported that toy sales had risen because children were unable to play most mobile or tablet games without a connection, and mobile data was unavailable. Footballs and sporting goods were another popular thing, people were going out and just throwing a ball around.
Crime hadn’t changed, which we all though would. Hackers are clearly pissed off, but banks and expensive stores have had to adjust the alarms systems. Most are a live alarms, where the security feed is 24/7 linked with an online server. It had all been disconnected but nobody gave it a thought to go and rob the local banks. – How odd?

Is this something that’s going to make the world come together or eventually will people crack and crime will rise, i just don’t know. I aren’t seeking for answers, i am accepting this as it comes across. Whilst most spend all day and night trying to do something about it, i am sleeping without disturbance.


“Have you seen the fucking news, look quick…. The worlds been cut off from electric. What in the fuck are we going to do now?”


Underground – short story

I don’t remember the last time i touched air, or sniffed the fumes of petrol on a busy morning full of traffic. Though it’s not possible to touch air is it? But you do understand the feeling of it. I used to enjoy the breeze every time i would leave our shopping centre, it would instantly dry my sweaty palms and cool my wet neck.
I would sweat a lot whilst shopping, especially indoors. The rush of wanting to go from shop to shop trying to get through people, though why rush? It was as if sometimes the shop would disappear but i had this urgency to just get out of the way of people because my fucking God, some humans did not look where they were going. I often felt like i was the only one that would look around or left and right to see if my path was safe, or to spot the arseholes who weren’t actually looking. Sometimes if i bumped into the ignorant of the blind, they would look to me as if it was my fault.
I felt like an alien whilst people wandered and stared solely in a straight line, not giving a shit where they walked because they wanted to walk where ever they felt like it.
The satisfaction of entering a shop, but then to do it all again whilst in that shop. Avoiding people with prams or large baskets and trolleys. I always moved out of the way when someone wanted to get past or decided to shuffle next to me and look on the same shelf. That pissed me off, i had to wait until they were done so i could continue with that section. Selfish shoppers, and what’s with the parents that just allow children to wander. I am not apologizing if knock over your kid.  I don’t miss the stress of being amongst other humans whilst shopping. – In fact i am with them twenty four hours a day, and have been for the past fourteen years. We haven’t seen an ounce of daylight and i haven’t had a strong lung in take of air for a long time, i’ve forgotten what most things look like or taste like.
Our air though is filtered through and reaches us underground, Lord knows what would happen if something was to go wrong. The ‘Army’ as we call them i suppose are trained enough to take on that kind of situation if it was to happen, though too many have already been eaten and killed. The overly brave, who think whatever is up on the surface is weak and no match for the mighty army. How wrong were they? Once a month, a team does venture out for a whole week to seek food and supplies, even try and find more traces of humans. Not many return, and each time we are thankful for the loss of life so we can continue living.
My cabin isn’t too bad, i made some fake plants out of clay the other day with another bunch of women. Most of them are married and the men go off doing labour work, us females don’t have much to do except look after the children and educate, cook, nurse or like me wander and observe.
Never in my life would i imagine that whats left of some of the population is here living underground. I can’t speak for the rest of the United Kingdom or the cities outside of mine, in fact the rest of the world.
We haven’t had human contact outside for the ten years, the four years this all happened was fine. I guess you could say hopeful? I mean it’s a long time isn’t to be underground and not speak to humans above.  – I can’t really remember what made us all live underground. All i know is that if we go up, we die.
I think i was thirteen years old when this happened, i am now twenty seven. I don’t know what year is it, or date. We have our own calender’s and i gathered all the months and dates are incorrect but it helps us to live everyday, so we can celebrate birthdays or even Christmas.

It’s my birthday soon, i want to leave the underground and live in the real world. I am going to make my escape the day after my birthday. I need to know the truth, i need to see daylight.


Charlie – Short story


I sat longer than usual on the bench, i knew my train was about to arrive but i just didn’t quite feel like catching it. I knew that waiting wouldn’t make him sit next to me but i wanted to sit here for a while longer hoping that he did. I wanted to feel hopeful, i needed atleast that. I am not sure if i fell in love with him, though i did care deeply and really did see him as a best friend.
But how can you love or be friends with someone you bump into everyday, waiting to catch the train home from work. How can you feel something by sitting for two hours a day talking with them and building a connection?
The last week i’ve say here and he hasn’t shown up, i knew this day would come. He’s moved on with his life and quite right. We never exchanged numbers or even added eachother on social media, which i can’t seem to fatham. Why did we not ever do that? Is that not what people do now, exchange user names and connect through a world of meme’s and cat videos.
I think maybe it would of all gone a different way, infact hundreds of ways. We could of spoken more, met up. Even exchange messages to confirm that we would both be at the station waiting for our seperate trains. But then i do realise if we had that, i don’t think it wouls be as magical.
For two hours a day, 5 days week after a long day at work i would sit and talk with a stranger. His name was Charlie, and for 6 months we built this friendship. At first it was me plonking my arse down on a bench after a really horrible day at work. I was at my all time lowest in life. I had a rubbish job, no boyfriend and not many friends. I pretty much spent my life either at work or in my home cuddling my cat. If i did go out, it was because i needed to get food and things to live or the odd friend would randomly want to meet for lunch. Which i can say was not that often, i had no social circle nor remember the last time i went out with friends for a girls day or even night drinking cocktails.
My life was shit and that day i wanted to run onto the train tracks and just end it all. But meeting Charlie, gave me hope and the fact i couldn’t leave my poor kitty alone.
After that day bumping into him became this weird coincidence and before we knew it, us sitting on the same bench waiting for our train became a regular thing. We would spend a few hours talking, purposely missing our travel home.
This handsome guy with dark hair and a quirky sense of dress style, made me feel like i existed in this world once again. He made me laugh, talked me out of my darkest thoughts and most of all he listened.
Six months is a long time isn’t it? Especially when we never exchanged numbers, the more i think about it the more i wonder if he really did exist.
If i had his number, maybe i would know why for some strange reason, Charlie left without trace…

Goodbye July – Short story

I drew back the curtains and took one deep breath, it was dawn once again. I had slept little and had been doing so for such a long time, I couldn’t even remember the last meal that had satisfied my appetite. My eyes were tired and my bones felt numb – Was today finally the last? When the sun rises will we all be able to breathe without fear.

The summer nights were darker than ever recorded, but the mornings remained the same. Our crops were dying and the closet stores near us that sold food were beginning to look empty. Morning meetings would happen and we would all get told the number of food that’s left for us all, I think without this order and rationing we may have died of starvation a long time ago. Without our crops, we won’t even be able to harvest the basics, and with cities far away it would be suicide to venture out. – But what is left for us to do? The sick are getting sicker and are children are not growing, do we step outside our zone and head for the city. I’ve heard bad things and what might happen to most of us, we would be checked for infection and either spared to live in a colony or shot dead on the spot. You can see fire and smoke in the distance, we used to wonder about it until we had such bad winds so fierce that it blew the scent of burning flesh into our little town. Our once precious sanctuary, that’s now protected by farmers and boys with guns – Fences that only give us so much land to live but it protects us. We have a perimeter and rules, even a curfew just so we can keep living. But it’s not living, is it? It’s surviving and that to me isn’t happiness. It’s a sad fucking way to go…..


Now that July has come to an end, I feel that it won’t just be us surviving but fighting to do so. This might just be the last July I’ll ever see.

Good bye July, til we meet again.